You’d be amazed at the extent some people go to try to avoid people finding out they’ve lost their job. I answered a phone call at work once from a woman whose husband used to work in my office. He’d been let go about 6 weeks earlier. He hadn’t told anyone, not even his wife. She was phoning the office to tell her husband something important had happened to one of their children. Apparently he was leaving home every morning to go to work as usual, sandwiches and all. If the weather was good, he sat in the park until going home time. If it was raining, he went to the library. The poor woman got an awful shock when we had to explain to her that he didn’t work with us anymore. I have no idea what happened when he got home that night, but my heart went out to both of them.
People don’t want to tell the family because they’re ashamed. They feel a failure. They don’t want to burden them; they don’t want them to worry. The best advice is tell them immediately. They’ve a right to know. You losing your job will affect them almost as much as it affects you. They need to know the effect it’s going to have on them. They need to adjust their lifestyle, cut back. They need to spend less. They have a right to know.
Tell them you’ve lost your job. Tell them you are upset about this, but it’s not the end of the world. Explain things will need to be different. There will be less money, but you’re not going to starve or lose your house and nothing dreadful is going to happen. Reassure them that if you’re all sensible and adjust your spending then everything will work out ok.
Teenage children can find it particularly hard if their parent loses his or her job. They may be reluctant to tell their friend or social circle. Discuss this with them. Explain it isn’t a social stigma to lose your job anymore. Be understanding if they feel embarrassed or ashamed though. Don’t take it personally. They are at a vulnerable stage in their lives, blending in with the crowd and keeping up appearances are important to them.
If other members of the family are working, tell them they are the lucky ones and remind them how valuable jobs are these days. Don’t put pressure on them so they think they have to keep their job at all costs. Don’t prepare them for a guilt trip if they have the misfortune to lose their job in the future.
Coping with a problem on your own is far harder than sharing it with someone else. It may seem unfair to burden other people with your difficulties. Isn’t that what families are supposed to be all about?
‘A problem shared is a problem halved. There’s no problem so big, that it can’t be solved over a cup of tea.’
As for the neighbours, or other members of the golf club, or your mates in the pub? Tell them too. They’ll find out soon enough anyway. They’ll notice the change in your routine. Better to come out straight and tell them, than have them speculating about you behind your back.
Telling other people that you’ve lost your job is good therapy. It helps you get used to the idea and adjust to your new reality. Putting off the evil day just prolongs the agony.
You’d be surprised too how willing people are to help. In my opinion the Celtic Tiger destroyed one of Ireland’s traditional strengths - neighbourliness. Everyone has been so busy chasing the Tiger’s tail. The courtesies that Ireland was famous for have disappeared behind high wrought iron fences, security gates, CCTV and intercoms.
They say every cloud has a silver lining. Maybe this recession will give us back the Ireland that we once knew and loved. Some good must surely come out of all this doom and gloom.
Copyright © David Jones 2009
Second in a five part series. The next installment examines the hurdle of getting a job in today's recessionary times.
