Self Esteem by Nuala Duignan

Good Self esteem is one of the most essential components of a human being's personality. It is basically the image you have of yourself in your own opinion. You have a good opinion of yourself, you have high self- esteem, you have a bad opinion of yourself, you have a low self- esteem.  It is the foundation of our life and something that helps us immensely in living a life that is worthwhile. Until and unless you believe in yourself and your abilities it is almost impossible to achieve success in any walk of life. In other words, we simply need to value ourselves for what we are and what we are capable of rather than wanting to be what we are not.

Low self esteem, on the other hand will affect all areas of life including our career, work, family, relationships, social life, health and what not. It creates an overall unfulfilling feeling whereas on the contrary high self esteem gives us immense confidence and belief that I am sure has the potential to take us a long way in life.  Since we know that this is an extremely important issue and that thousands and thousands of people suffer from low self esteem throughout the world regardless of their health, wealth and knowledge, we need to figure out some important and easy ways of increasing our self esteem. Some of the most effective ways I believe are as follows:

1. Keep a Victory Log
This one is one of my favorite ways of keeping my self-esteem high. Maintain a log book where you jot down all your accomplishments throughout life. It does not matter how big or small your accomplishments may be, you just need to remember what you have accomplished. It maybe the extraordinary skills you possess or the beautiful possessions you have. It might be good grades that you had received or a trophy that you had won. It might be a financial reward that you might have been given or a promotion that you received. It might even have been an approving glance from a person of the opposite sex or the day you scored a hat trick in the school game. It could just be any positive accomplishment that you have made in life.

Just make sure that you have all written in your log book starting today. We all have high and low times and what we need in low times is some spirit lifting. Go through your log book every time you are feeling low or are having any negative thoughts and you will see how this log will give you the great moods once you start thinking of all the good things that have happened to you in life. It simply serves as a reminder of the fact that you have done it before and there is no reason that you will not be able to do it in the present and in the future.

2. Honor Your Abilities
Sit in a quiet place and think of the great abilities and skills that nature has gifted you with. Stop blaming yourself for all the wrong things or even the right things for that matter. Just do not blame yourself. Simply look at the good things and the positive things in your personality and in your life. Be grateful to God for all the great things that you have in yourself and honor it. Remember, if you want the world to honor and love you, you need to honor and love yourself first.

3. Do the right things
Always try to do the right things in life. We all are grown up people and have the conscience to differentiate between the wrong and the right. Make sure that you do your best to do the right things. Believe me you are going to feel a whole lot better when you know that you are doing the things worth doing and the things that are good for your character, health and well being.
To give an example, I personally feel great when I wake up early morning, pray, have a good breakfast, exercise, read the newspaper, work hard, do my daily chores and set my priorities right. I feel that I am doing all the important things that I need to do in order to keep myself energized and to keep my self- esteem at a higher level.

4. Mingle with Positive people
Always mix, meet and mingle with people who are positive and energetic, people who have a positive image about themselves, have confidence in themselves and a positive outlook on life. We need to build our network of friends where we are surrounded by good, enthusiastic, determined and positive people.

5. Be Kind
It is really not possible to feel good about ourselves if we are inconsiderate, mean and selfish. It is essential to treat others with respect and with love. The more respect and love you give, the more you get it back. Everyone has a special quality and a special resource through which one can contribute to life. Be kind, be humble, help the poor, help the under-privileged and be a part of a noble cause whenever and wherever possible in order to be of help and support to the world and at the same time be worthy of respect and value in your very own eyes. This will pick you up and place you on top of the world.

6. Be Honest, hardworking and productive
Another important factor that helps in raising self esteem is to be honest, hardworking and productive. Again it seems quite contrary to have high self esteem when a person is dishonest and unproductive. When one is honest, there is a satisfaction that is felt within him resulting in a great self image. At the same time, it is important to be a hardworking, sincere person that results in high productivity and again leading to high self- esteem.

The above are some of the major ways that you can use to raise yourself image and self-esteem. Always keep in mind that self- esteem is not what others think of you but what you truly believe about yourself. It has to be genuine respect for oneself. In other words it is self respect.

Hal Urban says "Self Esteem is how we genuinely feel about ourselves, regardless of what others say. And how we feel about ourselves is closely related to how our character develops. Ultimately the development of personal character is both a choice and responsibility." Before we conclude, here is a little reminder:
"To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives." Denis Waitley

Whose Recession Is It Anyway? part iv - Dealing With Rejection

If you’re a job hunter and you’re doing your job properly, then you’re going to get a lot of rejections when you apply for jobs.

In today’s economic climate, getting rejected is far more likely than being accepted. It is not unusual for people to apply for hundreds of jobs before they achieve any success. So getting used to rejection, and not allowing it to dampen your hopes, is an essential pre-requisite to successful job hunting.

Rejection letters are an inevitable part of looking for a job. They are proof that you are active; so try to look upon them as a positive sign that you are doing something. Remember, the only people who don’t get rejection letters are those sitting on their backsides and doing nothing to look for a job.

Rejection comes in two ways. The nicest way is you get a letter thanking you for your application, but explaining you’ve been unsuccessful; at least this is an acknowledgement that your application was received.
The worst rejection is no response, and sadly that is becoming more and more common. In the main it’s not that employers can’t be bothered to reply to applicants, it’s just they can’t cope with the volume of applications they are getting these days. So don’t be upset if you don’t hear anything, just see it as a consequence of the times we are living in.

When you are looking for a job in today’s climate, it’s really important to stay optimistic. Don’t give up, even if you don’t seem to be getting anywhere. It’s not a reflection of you if all you seem to be getting is refusals; it’s simply the lack of vacancies and the volume of applicants chasing the few that are out there.

Hunting for a job is a little like selling a new product into a new market. Sales people tend to work on a 10% model. They expect to have to contact 100 prospective customers in order to get 10 appointments; and then they have to attend 10 appointments in order to get one successful sale.

Adapting this model to the job hunting environment means you might have to apply for 100 jobs in order to get 10 interviews; and you’ll have to attend 10 interviews in order to get the job you’re looking for.

So as you can see, not only is it going to be hard work, but most of it is going to be un-productive. Ninety-nine per cent of what you do will yield no tangible result. Almost all your hard work will fall on stony ground; it’ll seem like a waste of time.

That’s not the case though if you think about it positively. Try to keep in mind that every rejection, and every failed interview, is actually a step nearer eventual success. You’ve got to fail ninety-nine times in order to succeed once; that’s a fact of life for most job hunters.

So start seeing rejections and failures as mile stones towards your goal of getting a new job. The more rejections you notch up, the closer you are to success.

Don’t take rejections personally. They are not a reflection of your ability or capability. They do not signify that you are useless or unemployable. They don’t mean your CV is no good, or you performed badly in an interview. They are simply the result of the numbers game.

Getting a rejection letter, or getting no response to a job application, has no deep significance or profound meaning; so don’t let it get you down. Shrug off the rejections; say to yourself, “They obviously weren’t meant to be. There’s something better out there waiting for me; I’ve just got to keep looking until I find it.”

Abraham Lincoln put it this way, “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”
There are jobs out there. They may be few and far between, but they are there and you will get one if you keep looking. It’s just a matter of time and effort. Remember success really is nine-tenths perspiration.

Sometimes the wisest words are the oldest ones – If at first you don’t succeed; try, try and try again. If you get rejected, pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over again.

Copyright © David Jones 2009

Part four of a five part series. The fifth and final instalment asks the question - 'What has happened to the people who have lost their jobs?'

The Role of Self-Confidence in Success

How we see ourselves is more important than how anyone else sees us.

If we don't work at loving and accepting ourselves, nothing anyone else thinks matters.

How To Build Self-Confidence

• There is no one else like you on this planet. No one looks like you, has the same talents, experiences or perspective as you do. You are unique and are therefore here to make your unique contribution. If we each focus on what we bring into the world to share, there can be no comparisons, envy or regret. We are here to "contribute a verse".
• Give it Your Best. When you do the best you can, with the best of what you've got, you can't help but feel good about yourself and that confidence comes through in everything that you do.  
• Persevere. Everybody has setbacks and obstacles to contend with. Don't let them undermine your confidence. Treat them as opportunities to strengthen your resolve and then persevere. 
• Overcome adversity. Overcoming adversity builds and strengthens self-confidence. The greatest songs, works of art and literary pieces have been written by those who have experienced the depths of despair, loss and emptiness and overcame them. Experiencing sadness and loss and then rising above them gives rise to hope and triumph. It makes you stretch and become more than you were.
• Accomplish something. Set goals for yourself and then push yourself to reach them. Self-confidence soars when you know you can do what you put your mind to. It makes you feel unstoppable.
• Separate Yourself From the Event. You are not what happens to you or how you believe others see you. In other words, you are not defined by what happens to you or how others see you. You are who you choose to be - a person of character, dignity and self-confidence.
• Confront your fears. There's nothing that destroys self-confidence more than succumbing to fear. Everyone feels fear at various times; we're human, however facing circumstances with courage and poise strengthens character and builds self-confidence.
• Good looks do not equal self-confidence. Some of the most attractive people in the world are insecure and lack self-confidence. Marilyn Monroe was considered to be one of the sexiest most beautiful people in the world yet she lacked a positive self-image. She misguidedly allowed external factors to determine her self worth. Good looks help you feel good about yourself, but are by no means enough. 
• Learn how to give yourself a pep talk. We all have our down moments, moments of doubt, confusion and uncertainty. When that happens we have to learn how to restore our self-confidence. One way is to understand that everyone goes through such moments. When that happens the thing to do is remember past successes, visualise the desired outcome and keep at it. Practice makes perfect.

Self-confidence is absolutely essential to achieving success in any endeavor. You acquire it by doing, learning, accomplishing and persisting.
 
If you watch successful people you will usually find that they are very self-confidant. Self-confidence may have come to these people on account of their success, but usually self-confidence is present in people before they become successful. Once they start working toward success, usually self-confidence and success run parallel, each fueling the other.

Being a confident person has many benefits not just in your personal life, but also in business. Whatever may be your ambitions, building up your self confidence to a certain level will play a major role in you achieving success and facing crises that come your way as you travel the path to success.

The best way to gain confidence is to allow your positive attitude to come forth. If you are swamped with negative thoughts, you will be hampering your chances of succeeding in business. When you think positively, it will give an impetus to your progress and you will be able to overcome difficult periods when success seems a distant dream.

While success and self-confidence are related, there is no guarantee that one will lead the other. Self-confidence does not equal egocentric people. These people display high levels of self-confidence together with arrogance. They feel they are masters and know everything there is to know about their trade. This often is mistaken for self-confidence and can hamper success. It is our ego that upholds our importance and will often get in the way of attracting our best life. It is therefore necessary that we reduce the importance of our ego. When you decide to reduce your ego (the part of you that is full of fight and always wanting to feel justified and be right) you begin to expand your self, your wisdom and the memory of your soul – who you are, in essence. The goal here is to bring those outer qualities to your world and refrain from constantly trying to massage your ego with affirmations of how important you are. If you can do this, you will produce changes in your life in a gentler, more low-impact way.

Though success and self-confidence exist in progressive harmony, if you work towards improving your confidence, your growing confidence will support you on each step as you work towards success. And as you get successful, your self-confidence will increase. As your self-confidence increases you will become like a magnetic in that people will desire to be in your company.

If you feel ready for help in boosting your self-confidence I am here to help.

Call Nuala Duignan, Dip, Business and Life Coaching if you feel like a little support towards your goals at: 087 2532675
or info@nualaduignanlifecoach.com

View my web page at:
www.nualaduignanlifecoach.com

Is Your Life Working For You?

“It is never too late to be what you might have been” – George Elliot

Success depends on facing facts.
It depends on realising what's making you achieve success, and then realising what is stifling your success. Sometimes recognising the things that aren't working in your life can be painful. You might try to make excuses for them, or hide them. But in reality these things will keep you from the life you want to live.

Do you want to be active and strong? ... Then you have to stop making excuses about your weight and lack of exercise.
Do you want to be in a loving relationship based on friendship and respect? ... Then you have to stop rationalising why your partner is so unsupportive.
These things can be painful to look at because the truth is, that you have to do something about them in order to make your life work.
Plain and simple, you will have to do something uncomfortable “outside of your comfort zone”.

Successful people do not waste time in denial. They face situations head on. They look for the warning signs, they find out why things aren't working, and they go about fixing them.

You, too, must be willing to recognise bad situations and decide what the appropriate action will be to remedy them. You will have to deal with circumstances that are uncomfortable and challenging in order to achieve your goals. To make it easier, learn to seek these situations out.
Commit to finding out why things aren't working and learn what will fix them. Once you start the process it will be much easier to continue. Once you tackle one thing in your life that isn't working, you will gain enough confidence to tackle some of the more difficult situations. But you must decide to take action. Trust that making changes to the situation will ultimately bring about the best results.
Sure, you might go through a bit of discomfort during the change, but in the end you will triumph! Trust that you won't make matters worse by owning up to what is not working in your life, and going about fixing it.

So are you ready to admit the things that just are not working out?

Relationships, a job you thought would be wonderful, your finances, your diet? Make a list of the things in your life that are working against your success and ask how the situation can be improved. Commit today to tackling even one of those issues and be brave.
By facing what is not working, you can only improve your life!

Take Charge of our Life!

Is life happening to you or are you making life happen? Many of us go through life on automatic pilot doing the same job, taking many things in life for granted, and we may not be living up to our full potential. Then our job becomes redundant, we suffer a loss, we get bored or become overwhelmed with stress. Can we cope?

Not long ago, I had one of those weeks where everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. I mean everything - both, personal and professional. Try as I might I couldn’t get anything to go my way. This series of failures sapped my energy and killed my normally optimistic attitude!. At one point, in a fit of anger, I cried out, “what else can possibly go wrong?” At that moment – as soon as the words came out of my mouth – everything that could go wrong started flashing through my mind. My thoughts turned negative and, admitting defeat, I just sat and stewed over my circumstances.

But deep inside of me a little voice cried out. It pushed through my anger and negative thinking and said, “you have got to stop focusing on the negative. Don’t you know that you become what you think about? You’re just making things worse. You are a winner and winners don’t quit. Get out of that chair and start looking for solutions.”
That was a wake-up call. I knew that I had to change my thoughts. I had to start focusing on the possibilities and find the opportunities. I had to will myself to get up and fight back. I could not allow my adversity to keep me down.

The reality is, sooner or later we are all going to experience, setbacks, defeat, failure, and even tragedy. Nobody is immune. And when it happens it won’t always be easy to maintain a positive attitude, keep your enthusiasm, or see the opportunities? You decide! When it happens to you, like me, there is a real possibility that you will become overwhelmed, you will feel self-pity, and you will cry out – “why me?.

Later, after I had regained my composure, I thought about the voice that had given me the wake-up call and thought Why not try next time by immediately saying “why not me?”. It occurred to me that this voice was one of the keys to dealing with failure. Where had it come from? How did it find it’s way through my clouded, negative thoughts and get my undivided attention? How did I know that I needed the wake-up call? How do we develop this voice? Is this where successful people find the will to keep going?

After thinking about this more, the answer became clear. That internal voice that lifted me up when I was ready to quit was a result of all of the positivity I had developed and worked on before the negativity found me. The learnt positivity “equipped me” to get back up again. In reality, successful people, through regular reading and self-training, have simply taught themselves to be persistent and to get up when knocked down. They have learnt through experience that even though they cannot always change their particular circumstances, they can change how they respond. And on their worst days, when they are blinded by frustration, depression, and anger, they have developed a little voice on the inside that delivers the wake up call, “stop whining, get up, keep going, you are a winner and winners never quit.”

If life has happened to you, working with a life coach can get you back on track with focus and clarity. A life coach works with you for a period of time to get you re-ignited about your life and move towards the life of your dreams. A life coach is not a therapist or a consultant. A Life Coach is not there to give you advice or tell you what to do. On the contrary your coach works with you to help you to recall and identify what is truly important to you. It’s about setting goals, motivating and overcoming challenges.

Most of us know what we should do but lack the motivation to get started and follow through. Many times what seems like a huge mountain to climb can, with the help of a coach, be broken down into smaller more achievable tasks week by week.

A life coach is in “the change business”. If you are looking to change some things in your life – business or personal - it’s a great place to start. Most coaches work one on one with clients but many of us also offer workshops and group coaching programs to give clients an introduction to the benefits of working with a coach.

• What do you want out of life?
• What do you dream of? Don’t be shy. This is a serious question because if you’re not working on your own dream right now, you’re more than likely working on someone else’s. Think about it.
• Where do you want to be three or five or even ten years from now?
• What do you want to be doing? Write it down and now that you know what you really want
• How are you going to get there?
• What is your plan? Work out a strategy.
• How will the pieces fit into the big picture?
• What steps do you need to take?
• What changes do you need to make?

If you feel you could benefit from the assistance of a Life Coach and help you realise your great potential why not call me now at: 087 2532675

Or

e.mail to: info@nualaduignanlifecoach.com

View my web page at: www.nualaduignanlifecoach.com

The Law of Perseverence

Perseverance conquers all obstacles!

Like the Law of Certainty, the Law of Perseverance is one of the secrets to making things happen! The person who is willing to continue, no matter what, succeeds.

The Law of Perseverance is the willingness to take actions every single day on your dreams and never stop. Even if these are little baby steps, every single day you make another step toward your dreams. The Law of Perseverance means, “Let neither pain nor pleasure interfere with perception of purpose.” You will be challenged in life. You will be ridiculed. You will be told you can’t succeed. Pay no attention. Pay attention to the vision you have! Hold on to that dream! Do not lose the dream. Those who lose their vision perish. Those who hold their vision conquer! It is the Law of Perseverance that makes things possible and makes all of your dreams come true. Never give up on your dreams. Follow the Law of Perseverance.

All that we are is the result of our thoughts.

-Buddha

Those who are the most energized and on track, however, are the ones who are heading toward an inspired destination, and working toward a defined purpose. These men and women organize their lives in the direction of their heartfelt inspirations. Consequently, everything takes on more meaning and becomes more fulfilling.

• Follow the dream in your heart
• Trust your heart, never deny it a hearing.
• You already know the essence of the dream in your heart, but you may not know that you know it.
• When you find yourself wavering and wandering, it’s a sign that you’ve tuned out the wise guidance from your heart and soul.
• Your motivation miraculously increases once you begin to follow the dream in your heart.

There is no substitute for action. Begin now.

In persevering with the dream in your heart you’re bound to meet adversity along the way, maybe, but you’ll face challenges like these no matter which road you take. And since, no matter what you do, you’re guaranteed to experience both pain and pleasure in your life, you might as well choose the path that offers the most fulfillment and ultimately the most enlightenment.

Focus on your primary aim. The more you focus on your purpose or your primary aim for life, the more you attract the people, places, situations, and resources that can help you on your journey. In fact, staying focused on your primary aim, or ultimate purpose, is the most effective way to get there. You may be tempted to put more energy into the obstacles and diversions on your path than you put into your heartfelt mission. But if you do, attending to these obstacles and diversions, along with their temptations, could become a habit. This may lead you, sooner or later, to decide falsely that you can’t follow your dream. You don’t need to fall prey to this illusion! A tightrope walker is a great example of someone who keeps his or her eyes on their primary aim rather than just on the road ahead.

An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

- Anonymous

When you know where you’re going, and you follow your heart and soul’s guidance, you’re certain to have a more fulfilling journey.

When you are not focused on your primary purpose, the winds of change and indecision can toss you about like a rowboat in a storm.

When you follow the dream in your heart
you are energized,
inspired,
and
motivated.

When you focus and persevere on your primary aim in life, you jump hurdles with ease.

When you focus on your healing, you heal.

When you follow the path of your inspirations, your body is strengthened, your mind is sharpened, and you are immersed in the healing power of unconditional love.

When was the last time you experienced a crisis? Did it seem like it was the end of the world? Did you feel helpless, frustrated, burnt-out or just down and depressed? Did you say to yourself, "This is the last straw. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired “ This has got to stop. I can't go another day like this."? If this has been you recently, then you better keep reading. Everyone experiences moments where outer circumstances appear to be an overwhelming crisis. To many, these circumstances dominate and rule their lives. To some, these crises leave lasting scars unless they are recognized as truly being blessings. When the worst crisis becomes your greatest blessing, you heal. Nature does not deliver a crisis without an accompanying opportunity or misfortune without a blessing.

Some people have crises that drag out for years. Others seem to nip their crises in the bud almost immediately. It's not the outer circumstances that necessarily create the crises. While they may elicit the crises, it is a person’s reaction that actually turns circumstances into deeper crises.

Hidden within all misfortunes are the seeds of an equal but opposite fortune. Like our current time in Ireland, in the mid 1980s, hundreds of thousands of people were let go or laid off from their jobs. Some of these people were left without income, some without other career opportunities and more, ultimately, without their families (due in the main to emigration). At first sight, this may have been perceived as a crisis, however, today many of those same people have undergone an in-depth soul-searching and re-evaluation of their lives, only to discover that they genuinely had a dream in their hearts to be, do and have something more than what they were previously experiencing and accepting. Other people have tapped into a more profound purpose for their life than what they were allowing, and are now making their meaningful dreams come true. They are now doing exactly what they always loved to do but never had the guts to do until the crisis occurred.

Crisis are the flip side of the coin of life. Many people have been temporarily devastated by broken relationships only to discover at some later time that their supposed misfortune was a blessing. Their very loss was their ultimate gain.

"Whenever a door shuts, a window opens".

Why should you journey alone? If you are feeling like a little support in taking action on your journey towards your ideal goal

Why not call me, Nuala at: 087 2532675
Or
e.mail to: info@nualaduignanlifecoach.com
Or view my web page at:
www.nualaduignanlifecoach.com
www.linkedin.com/in/nualaduignanlifecoach